This is my NaNoWriMo 2016 Story/Thing/Whatever/Book. Thanks for reading!
“Thanks for working everything out with my mom,” said Megan.
Sure thing Megan. Can’t have my dumb story ruining Lisa’s friendships.
“I liked your story. I didn’t think my mom would flip out about it.”
Well. Sometimes it’s good to know that someone is there who will flip out. It probably just means she’s looking out for you.
“Ew mom,” said Lisa. “Don’t get all sentimental. We took a break from our game to hear the next part of your story, so let’s hear it.”
What game are guys playing?
“It’s Space Enforcer 2,” said Lisa. “I told you that like a million times.”
I’m sorry that I do things other than keep up with every game you play.
Lisa rolled her eyes. “It’s based on a series of books, written by a woman from our town. Her name is Kyla…something. I don’t know. I never read the books, I just like the games.”
“You should read the books,” said Megan. “You’d understand way more about what’s going on.”
I remember the bygone days when you could just read, watch, or play one thing and know everything there was to know. Now everything is a franchise.
“Wasn’t this story you’re telling us supposed to be the first in a series?,” asked Lisa.
Hey. Don’t get cute with me. I’m providing you free entertainment.
“Not yet you’re not,” said Lisa.
Okay. Let’s see. Where were we?
“Oh right!,” said Lisa. “I forgot to fill Megan in! Okay, so after the bar fight a bunch of boring stuff happened. But basically, The King is being controlled by a weird space head that’s trying to escape a magical prison, and he needs all these keys to do it. There’s a silly Wizard, and he met up with a cool lady wearing a mask who is the main good guy I think, and she’s trying to keep the evil head from getting the keys. All the characters have finally met up in the bar now, after what seems like forever.” Lisa looked at her mom. “Is that about right?”
Well, I would have put a few more details in there, but yes it’s basically right.
“Oh also,” said Lisa, “she keeps getting distracted and telling me stuff about the King’s turtle. Oh! And we learned that both the King and the turtle are named Jeff.”
Megan laughed. “Jeff? That doesn’t seem like a very good name for a King.”
Lisa laughed. “Hah, I know right?”
It…it’ll all make sense eventually.
“Will it?,” asked Lisa. “Or are you just messing with us?”
Listen, if you girls want, I can just go type this story in my office and not tell it to you. I had something really crazy and exciting planned for tonight, but — “
“No no!,” said the girls in unison.
Finally. He’s gone.
Jeff the Turtle breathed a sigh of relief at finally being left alone in the King’s chamber. He began to work once more on his grand plan for vengeance. He would escape this infernal glass cube, he would find his family’s sacred sword, and he would discover the whereabouts of the sorceress that burned down the closet, and —
The King came sauntering back into the room. “Perhaps now, with my new Guard Captain, things will finally get done around here!,” he said aloud to no one. After a moment, he went running back into the hallway…and he was thrilled to see two guards standing out there. He nodded to the guards, and went back inside the room. He walked over to his turtle.
“Turtle Jeff, I can’t take this much longer. What did I do to deserve being under the yoke of this evil floating space head thing? When my family ascended to the kingship, it was almost on accident you know. Why, if that mysterious assailant hadn’t appeared out of nowhere and struck down the previous King, they might never have looked for a replacement and WHAT MANNER OF EVIL IS THIS —
Zeltar the Wretched’s head had appeared on top of Jeff the Turtle’s neck in a flash of light.
“This is unacceptable, King Jeff!,” said Zeltar atop his new turtle body. “You’ve taken too long. I’ve received reports from my spies that you’ve replaced your guard captain with a chef, and that your men still haven’t found that cursed Osiris. Is this true?”
“If you’ve hurt my turtle, I will — “
“Spare me your indignation,” said Zeltar. “Your dumb animal is unharmed. I told you. I can appear anywhere I want. I’m a magical space wizard, remember?”
“What exactly is a magical space wizard?,” asked the King.
Zeltar shook his head. “It doesn’t concern you! I’m through with you Jeff. I no longer require your services. Oh, but I’m taking your guards and your army for my own. And no, you don’t get a choice in the matter. It’s time to kick things up a notch!”
Zeltar’s face swirled around and disappeared, leaving a startled Turtle Jeff in its wake. King Jeff felt as if a huge weight lifted off of his shoulders.
“Okay,” said the King. “It’s time to make things right.”
He crawled under his bed and fished around for a bit, eventually emerging with a small wooden box. He opened up the box, revealing a tiny hat and sword. He carefully took them out, and placed them on Turtle Jeff. He picked up the turtle and looked him square in the eyes.
“My dear friend turtle, I know that I have held up your quest for vengeance for many years, but no longer! It is time for us to go out into the world and fix this. We shall stop that evil floating head, we shall find your parents, and we shall see what’s up with the faceless closet-burning lady. What say you?”
A small tear rolled down Turtle Jeff’s cheek. He gave a little nod and emitted a squeak.
“Good!,” said the King. He picked up a small bag from his bedside chest, and placed Turtle Jeff carefully into it so he could look, perched, out of the opening. The King put the bag on his back and set off for the armory to prepare for his journey.
Somewhere in the streets of Hillsvale, the eight guards who had gone to search for Osiris were walking Pipple the Bard back towards the castle.
“Pipple?,” asked Megan. “You mean, like, Nipple but with a ‘P?’”
That’s right Megan. What. Don’t look at me like that.
The guards and their prisoner were stopped in their tracks when the large ghostly head of Zeltar came floating up out of the ground in front of them.
“Guards!,” declared Zeltar the Wretched, “you are now mine.”
The guards began to writhe around. They held their heads. They watched their flesh start to melt and decay. Their eyes began to glow with eerie magical energy.
Before Pipple’s eyes, the eight guards who were human just moments before were now terrifying zombie monsters.
Pipple quickly turned and ran way.
“Go now,” said Zeltar, “and find me Osiris.”
The zombie guards turned and began to walk back towards the Rusted Axe. It didn’t take them long. They reached the front of the pub just as Brutus, Osiris, the Wizard, Elena, and Willow were coming out the front door. Willow locked the front door up for the night.
“Right,” said Brutus. “We’ll take you both back to my place and make sure you’re settled. Then — “
Elena poked Brutus on the arm. “It seems we have some late customers.”
The small group of zombies snarled at the assembled heroes.
Brutus scrunched up his nose. “Yuck. It’s been awhile since I smelled zombies.” He spit at the guards. “You lot smell horrible.”
The Wizard pulled out his wand. “Aha, the undead! My specialty. Stand back everyone, I’ve got this and then we’ll easily be on our way, in no time.” The Wizard waved around his stick and murmured some words.
All of the zombies swords grew a little bit longer and sharper.
The Wizard frowned. He looked down at his wand. “That worked so much better in Wizard school.”
Osiris stepped forward and shot a ball of flames at one of the zombies. He let out a loud scream as his flesh burned away and blood flew out everywhere, coating the ground in a red blanket.
“Mom!,” yelled Lisa. “You’re gonna get us in trouble with Megan’s mom again.”
Megan smiled and waved her hands at Lisa. “No no, don’t stop her. It’s fine. I’ll just tell my mom the story was about a little turtle. It’s really okay, this is exciting!”
“Should we really be encouraging Megan to lie to her mom?,” asked Lisa.
Hmm. Well. I guess not. I’ll make it more teen-friendly.
Osiris stepped forward, and shot a magical fireball at one of the zombies. He let out a scream. The magical fire burned his skin, and some green goop shot off of him and coated the ground. All that was left was his skeleton…but he was still standing. And now he was more angry.
“Oh good,” said Elena. “Now it’s seven zombies with larger swords and one angry skeleton. Willow, do you have that sword I gave you?”
Willow smiled and pulled forth the blade.
“Time to go to work,” said Elena.
Willow leapt forward. She threw the blade around as if it were paper, and left a trail of limbs and zombie guts in her wake. She took out the seven zombies in under ten seconds, before any of them had the chance to draw their weapons.
“My goodness!,” shouted the Wizard. “I am alarmed that I let that one anywhere near me! With her on our side, we could take down an entire army.”
“Don’t you forget that,” said Elena.
Willow reached the skeleton, but he had managed to draw his sword. He easily deflected or dodged her untrained sword swings, in spite of their strength. Elena stepped forward, waving Willow to the side, and engaged the skeleton in sword combat. The skeleton retained whatever training he’d had as a human…but Elena was faster and more graceful. With a few swift dodges and parries, she managed to hook her blade under the guard of the skeleton’s, and knock his sword to the ground. It clanged down and kicked up some dust.
Elena moved in and struck the skeleton, but his bones were too strong for the sword to penetrate. A green glow seemed to emit each time the sword hit his frame, implying some kind of magical energy was at play. “Allow me,” said Brutus. He walked forward and grabbed the skeleton’s head in his two big hands, then popped it off and threw it over the roof of the building across the street. The rest of the bones fell harmlessly to the ground in a cloud of green smoke and dust.
Elena smiled. “The neighbors are going to have a bad morning when they find that head.” She walked over and showed Willow how to clean her blade of the zombie guts covering it. “You have to do this each time, so that your blade keeps working, understand?”
“Yes miss Elena!”
The Wizard’s arms were shaking. He realized that the danger was over, and put his wand back into his robe.
Osiris stepped out in front of the group, and removed her mask, revealing the face of a human woman. Her hair was a mix of shock blonde and shock white…and instead of eyes, she had two swirling white orbs. They weren’t unlike the glowing eyes of the recently-dispatched zombies. The Wizard made a mental note to spend some time pondering this later.
“There might be hope for this group yet,” said Osiris. “But we’re still missing one…”
The King came bounding up the road on horseback in full armor, with the turtle bag on his back. He came to a stop in front of the group and the zombie remains.
“Ah, here he is,” said Osiris, smiling.
“What did I miss?,” asked King Jeff.