The First Time I Loathed A Video Game

First comes regret, then comes taste

This would probably be fun to play with buttons. Too bad you have to use a light gun. Screenshot captured by the author.

As a kid, I was fortunate enough to have a Nintendo Entertainment System. I quickly developed a love for light gun games that used the included “Zapper” peripheral, with its chunky trigger and fun space aesthetic.

One day, my supportive parents gifted me a copy of Gumshoe, a game developed in-house at Nintendo. From the outside, its has all the right ingredients to be a classic. Graphics that were reminiscent of/gently borrowed from other Nintendo hits like Super Mario Bros? Check! Catchy music tracks? Absolutely! A weird story about a guy named “Stevenson” who has to get some diamonds to appease a weird villain? Sure, why not!

Amazing controls and gameplay? Uh oh.

Unfortunately, playing Gumshoe is a miserable experience. And even my tiny kid brain that loved everything was aware enough to recognize this.

Imagine a classic two-dimensional platforming game, like Mario or Kirby. Now, imagine it’s about a floaty slow moving guy in a trench coat — and you have no direct control over him whatsoever. Want to change his running speed? Too bad, he’s going to slowly walk to the right no matter how you feel about it. Want to make him jump? Okay, fine — you have to shoot him with the light gun.