This week, Nintendo announced that they’re going to re-release some more classic Game Boy Advance F-Zero games on the Switch very soon — including one that’s never officially been shipped outside of Japan. As a lifelong fan of the company’s output, that should be very exciting to me.
The only problem is that I kind of loathe F-Zero. I know that’s not how I’m “supposed” to feel, and I’m sorry.
I first encountered Nintendo’s futuristic racing series all the way back at its initial inception on the SNES. I rented a copy of the game from my local video store in early 1991 after being wowed by its graphics in magazines and on demo units in stores. I marvelled at seeing the game in my own home for the first five minutes, astounded that a console game could feel so fast and run with so little hitching.
Then I crashed into a few too many walls and exploded.
Undeterred, I kept trying to get a handle on how to play the game, but little 7-year-old Alex just couldn’t do it. I’d get near the end of a race series, then explode. I’d go off a sweet jump, then explode. I’d bash into the other cars, then explode. My initial delight at the graphics slowly melted into frustration, and that has stayed with me all the way into adulthood. The series demands a level of skill and precision that I just haven’t had the time to develop…
